A New Day

2 Jan

Today, I resumed my old life.

It wasn’t fun until I reached the working out part. My late night escapade to visit friends without my wallet (unbeknownst to me) was really the wake up call I needed. I have GOT to reclaim my brain. Balance, that is the key. I have stayed so long in my head that I’m absorbed by my own recursive world; its slightly off kilter.

The last day in DC, Beloved said to me:

Been filling up my life with life, now add some people to it.

And its true. But I need to add quality people. Connection is the gift of the Universe but only those connections that are reciprocal and kind. Tonight at the gym, I really understood that in a big way. I have missed the work out crew. I have missed my friends at school. I have missed that feeling of community that I had on Ocracoke. That is the energy I need to put myself into every time I become frustrated, or hurt, or allow others to judge me. I believe them all too easily and that has GOT to go.

I have a new arsenal now.

The ability to go places and enjoy myself or learn, alone.

The old life of work out, and armor building and seeing friends, somehow this new solitude and the old life need to merge. I need to fill my life with things that make me happy.

So, I need to dream ahead again,  change my routine, go back and revisit that bucket list of mine from last summer, but add more. I need to see if there is a way I can be there for my friends, the way they were there for me. Then, I’ll make it to the end of the school year and June.

If my whole world can change in less than 30 days then what could six months do? And its bound to be better.

I’m not sure I will be able to write a full post every day, but I’m going to try.  I have made time on Thursday nights for my “sit at the bar, have dinner,  and write” time.

Three places are best for me: Mangia, Isabella’s and Dish, so far. I need to try out Main Street Eatery, Bull Branch, and then Shoemaker’s….maybe Waterstone.

There are so many places that I haven’t taken a camera and a notebook, and perhaps I really do need to start writing less personally, maybe about dining/ traveling alone, and how a woman navigates that. I like writing about the places I am going all by myself. However,  I do need to think about how to make the writing remain personal, but not so intensely personal that I wouldn’t want anyone else to read it.

After talking with Mom tonight and remembering my post about oysters, I need to be wary of my shell, and to be careful about who I let in. Besides, who besides my friends would I really want reading all this stuff? Who would really care?

Tomorrow I start again. The old world arrives to the new.

Yikes.

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